I Thought I Had Heard it All…

April 26, 2017

Pastor's Study

15 Really Strange Reasons Not to Attend Church

What do peanut butter, girlfriends, and Rambo the dog have in common?

They were all used as reasons not to attend church services in a Twitter poll I conducted. I asked church leaders and churchgoers to share some really good excuses they’ve heard from people who choose not to attend church.

Some of the responses were common (hypocrites at church, worshipping on the lake or golf course, pastor preaches too long or short, etc.).

And I received the expected lectures of why we should not see the church as a place to go, or why church is no longer relevant.

But I also got some fascinating responses.

Have you heard these reasons not to attend church? The italicized comments that follow each are my own.

  1. “We were out of peanut butter.” Of course, no one can worship without his or her peanut butter fix.
  2. “I was too drunk, so I went soul winning with my dog, Rambo.” I hope Rambo was sober.
  3. “Both of my girlfriends attend church there.” I think you might have other challenges.
  4. “The worship leader pulls up his pants too often. It’s distracting.” What are we going to do with those worship leaders?
  5. “My kids take naps during that time.” Bring them to church anyway; they can nap during the services with our deacons.
  6. “Gas prices are too high.” Have you been outside lately?
  7. “The pastor is too attractive. When I see him preaching, I have impure thoughts, and I am distracted.” I never heard that complaint when I was a pastor.
  8. “My wife cooked bacon for breakfast, and our entire family smelled like bacon.” Bacon aroma is always welcome at our church.
  9. “The pastor stays in the Bible too much.” I’ve noticed that too. Just who does he think he is?
  10. “I couldn’t get the lid off the peanut butter.” I never thought there would be a peanut butter theme to avoiding church.
  11. “We got burned out at church and have been taking a break the past seven years.” I think you broke the world’s record for length of time to cool down.
  12. “The church is too close to drive, and too far to walk.” If you like, we could move our church to the next state, and you could fly in.
  13. “I always get hemorrhoids on Sundays.” I understand. Sunday is a terrible day for hemorrhoids.
  14. “Someone called me ‘brother” instead of using my name.” At least he didn’t call you “sister.”
  15. “I was constipated.” Is that a Sunday-only occurrence?

I saw a great sign the other day: “The Empty Tomb DEMANDS a Full Church!”   When you stop and think about ALL that Jesus has done for us, what’s your excuse for skipping Church?  See you Sunday!

About Pastor

My Family: My wife and I have been married for 30 years (wow! that's hard to believe.) We have four wonderful children and EIGHT perfect grandchildren!! Education: I received my Bachelor of Arts degree in Pastoral Theology from Tennessee Temple University. After serving Bethel Baptist Church in Ontario, Canada as Youth Pastor and South Buncombe Baptist in Asheville, NC as Associate Pastor, we moved to Wake Forest, NC where I attended Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. In 1995, I received my Master of Divinity degree (with languages.) From 1999-2001, I attended Southern Baptist Theological Seminary pursuing my Doctor of Ministry degree in Expository Preaching. Ministry: I have had the privilege of pastoring three wonderful congregations (Montwood Baptist 1993-1997; Union Baptist 1997-2002; and, South Fork Baptist 2010-present.) In 2010, God brought a very special group of people into my life. South Fork has become much more than a ministry to my family - it has become our home. If you are looking for a Church to call home, you will not find a better group of people than the family that makes up South Fork.

View all posts by Pastor

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply